New venture! So exciting!

Throughout my entries in this blog, I've mentioned my friend Michelle numerous times We've been friends for about eight years... we originally met on a weight loss support message board, then met in person about two years after that. When we first met I was living in Oklahoma and she was living in Michigan. Then I moved to Michigan for a period of time. And now she's in New York, and I'm in Nebraska! We've been through a lot together - our friendship was originally based on weight struggles, but grew into so much more over time.


Anyhow, together, we have launched a new website, called Sangria Sisters. It's foundation is "celebrating family, friends, and health" and we plan to do just that. It'll chronicle the two of us on the path to better wellbeing (for ourselves and our families) while using different tools (Michelle's had gastric bypass surgery and I am using Weight Watchers) with the premise that no tool will fix weight problems without serious work on emotional/mental issues impacting one's relationship with food.

So, without further delay, check out these pages!

http://www.sangriasisters.com/

    -Welcome letter from me and Michelle

And of course there are already many other posts up with our recipes, daily thoughts, and more.
 
On the right sidebar of our new site there is a "subscribe via email" feature. You will need to enter your email address in and confirm it. Even if we post several times in one day, you will only receive one email.
 
I will not be blogging over here any longer as I'll be posting all of my updates over there going forward. 


I really hope you'll join me over there (all 5 of you followers!).  :) :)  Have a great day!

When is it ok?

When is it ok to accept imperfection from yourself on this journey to health and when should you expect more?  I'm struggling with this tonight. 

A little background...I'm doing the WW Walk Challenge.  They give you a training plan to help you prepare for a 5K.  I started with week 2 because week 1 had walking times that were lower than what I was already doing.  So, week 2...you are supposed to do this:
Sun-15 min
Mon-18 min
Tues-Rest
Wed - 18 min
Thurs - 20 min
Fri - Rest
Sat - 20 min

So, I had stayed right on track through today.  Here was my after work schedule today-

Pick up Baby S from daycare, rush home for an appointment at the house.  Immediately after the appt I went into the kitchen to throw together dinner and eat.  Immediately after eating (even dishes got put on hold) we needed to run to Target for some must-haves for Andy and Baby S.  Back home to feed Baby S and play with her for 30 minutes while her food settled on her belly.  Then it was time to put her to bed.  We are in the process of trying to teach her how to fall asleep on her own and if you've ever done such a thing...it is incredibly stressful.  So, by the time we finished that I was an extremely tense ball of nerves and it was already 8:40..and until I have a baby who sleeps through the night I like to aim for a 9:30 bedtime.  So, I had less than an hour before bed and I still had to make bottles and get things together for the next day.  Luckily Andy had already finished dishes and washed bottles or else I would have felt completely overwhelmed.  I had an internal debate for a few minutes about whether or not I wanted to do my 20 minutes for my WW walk.  I convinced myself to do it.  I got in my workout clothes and hopped on the treadmill.  About 4 minutes in I wanted to quit.  I pushed myself and tried all of my tricks to get through it.  I imagined all of the women I've been following in the blogosphere who are doing so amazingly well and who talk about how wonderful it feels to be lighter.  I tried reminding myself how bad I want that.  I tried visualizing myself next summer with Baby S who will then be a toddler.  I tried to visualize running with her and swimming with her at a much healthier weight.  But time seemed to take longer and longer.  I just wanted to quit.  Finally, at 10 minutes...I did.

So, now my heart is torn.  There is a part of me who thinks I should just be proud of myself for even getting on the treadmill after such a tough night.  But there's another, louder part of me who is really disappointed in myself for quitting.  I keep asking myself "how do you expect to succeed at this if you quit?" 

The thing is...I do believe that we have to learn to be forgiving and understanding of ourselves to get through this journey.  But, how do you know when you've gone from being forgiving of yourself to making excuses for yourself?  I really want to be successful at this for the first time in my life.  And I know that finding the balance between these two emotions is going to be imperative.  I'm just not sure where to start on finding that balance. 

Seriously?!?!

I really hate when people say something to you that just makes you feel awful. My beautiful little girl has decided that she no longer wants to be a good sleeper. We've been struggling for several nights now. Last night was one of the worst. She was waking up every 45 minutes. I've blogged about sleep deprivation before...it’s rough. But, I've been trying to deal with it the best I can. When I got unnecessarily snippy at my husband this morning I quickly apologized. Even though all I want to do is hit the snooze button a hundred times I’ve been getting up and taking a shower, doing my hair, doing my makeup, and trying my very best to look like a put-together professional.


So today a co-worker came by my desk and saw a picture of Baby S and commented on how cute she was. Then he asked me if she’s a good sleeper. I told him that she was doing really well, but has gotten out of her habit here recently. And he looked at me and said “yeah, I can tell by how bad you look.”. What??? Was that really necessary? It just makes me feel like “what’s the point in trying?” I could have slept in, skipped the shower, put my hair in a ponytail and come in without makeup. Then he would have seen how bad I can really look.

Of course he could have said something much more supportive like “Sorry to hear that, hope it gets better” but he chose to go with a back-handed insult instead. Grrrrrr! Some people!

Ok – rant over.

I ate WHAT?!?!

So, when KFC introduced the "Double Down" sandwich...my husband was appalled. 

"This one-of-a-kind sandwich features two thick and juicy boneless white meat chicken filets (Original Recipe® or Grilled), two pieces of bacon, two melted slices of Monterey Jack and pepper jack cheese and Colonel's Sauce. This product is so meaty, there’s no room for a bun!"

The idea of eating a "sandwich" made of two fried chicken filets (you can choose grilled) with bacon and cheese seemed insane to him.  Then he read the nutritional facts out loud 540 calories, 32 grams of fat and 1,380 mg of sodium.  "Who would eat that?!?!" he proclaimed.  "So terrible for you!"  Being someone who has studied the heck out of fast food menus I knew that this really wasn't that bad relatively.  I told him "you know...that's not all that bad.  The main target demographic is people who are watching carbs, so they most likely won't be having fries with that.  And for a fast food meal...its really not that bad."  He looked at me like I had lost my mind.  "32 grams of fat and 1,380 mg of sodium is not that bad???"  He didn't believe me....it was obvious from his tone. Ahh...the challenge is on. :) :) :)

"Try looking up a Big Mac," I said.  Big Mac: 540 calories, 29grams of fat and 1,040 mg of sodium.  "See, about the same" I told him.  Being a man of precision (he is a mechanical engineer afterall) he informed me "well, its actually 10% less fat and 25% less sodium."  No problem....I'm still up for this challenge. 

Ok, I said "Take a look at the Whopper".  Whopper: 670 calories, 40 grams of fat, and 1,020 mg of sodium.  Hmmm....he's starting to catch on.  The KFC sandwich isn't all that bad relative to other fast food options.  So, now he was curious.  He pulled up the Triple Whopper just for kicks.  Triple Whopper: 1160 calories, 76 grams of fat, 1170 mg of sodium.  Now he was truly appalled.  "That should be illegal!!!!" he said.  "Do you really think it should be illegal?  Do you want the government telling us what we can and can't eat??"  I asked him.  He said "well...it should at least have a warning label.  Like on cigarettes.  That stuff will kill you.  Who would eat that?!?!?" 

Now I had him just where I wanted him.  Time to go in for the kill.  "Why don't you take a look at that burger you get when we go to Red Robin."  At this I took baby S in her room and to change her diaper and waited for the reaction.  And boy did I get it....I hear from the other end of the house "OH MY GOD!!!!"

Red Robin Whiskey River BBQ Burger: 1,114 calories, 69 grams of fat, and drumroll please....1,805mg of sodium

And he almost always eats this with french fries and a beer.  I cannot imagine the total calorie, fat, and sodium that we take in when we have a meal like that.    The thing is....my husband is surprisingly health concious.  He takes his lunch to work everyday and eats a cup of carrots with his lunch every single day (and takes some ribbing from some of the other guys at work for it).  He buys the reduced fat oreos for his lunch, he uses a very thin layer of peanut butter on his muffin in the morning.  When I bought my digital food scale he was more excited than I was.  He weighs his baked chips every single day and takes exactly one serving.  He does the same with the pretzels or reduced fat cheezits or walnuts he takes for his afternoon snack.  Seriously, the man takes his health seriously.  I cannot imagine how he felt when he saw that his favorite burger was even worse for him than a triple whopper.  I'm surprised he didn't pass out.  He has eaten that meal many times.  I think the fact that we were at a sit down restaurant, paying good money for our food, gave him the false impression that we were getting quality food.  I think if he were to estimate the cals and fat he probably would have said 600 cals and 20 grams of fat.  I mean, he knew it wasn't good for him...he just had no idea how bad it was.  Turns out its twice as many cals and nearly 4x the fat.  I'm pretty sure he'll never order that meal and finish it again.

I don't know if I think foods like that should be illegal.  But I do agree with him that there should at least be a warning label on them.  Knowledge is power...and when I walk into a menu and take a look at a menu I feel completely powerless.  I have to make a best guess at what the nutrional value of the foods is.  I'm sure I overestimate the good options as much as I underestimate the bad.  Turns out the new healthcare bill has a provision that will address this.  I, for one, am 100% on board with this.  Americans deserve to know what they are putting into their bodies.  Because my husband was right..."that stuff will kill you."  Some people will still order those options, but for those of us who would rather not, at least we'll know!

AWESOME Weigh-In!

I lost 4 pounds this week!  4 pounds!!  This is surreal to me.  In the past when I've done WW I've struggled to get 1 pound a week.  This time around it is coming off so much faster.  I credit this success 100% with the fact that I am concentrating on using real foods for the first time in my weight loss attempts.  I'm avoiding pre-processed food as much as possible and using fresh or frozen vegetables as a center piece of almost every lunch and dinner.  On all of my other attempts I tried to find packaged food with "low-fat" or "sugar free" on the package.  Seems that my body is not a big fan of that choice.  It is responding so much better to healthy fats (olive oil, peanut butter) and natural sugars (fruit, carrots, frozen corn).  This change in my way of cooking is paying off  not only for myself, but for my husband too.  He is inadvertently losing weight as well! (He doesn't have that much to lose but every pound counts right?)

So, 23.6 total.  I got my 20 pound star!  And, only 1.4 pounds to 25.  Which means, once again, I am super close to getting another star next week!  25 pound star...I've got my eye on you!

Also, WW announced a walking program today.  The goal is for all members to train for and walk a 5K.  I will definitely be participating.  More to come later as I figure out what kind of 5K I'd like to do.

TOFU? Who woulda thunk it???

Ok, so I've gotta start by saying that I am NOT a tofu person.  I have a lot of isses with textures when I eat something.  Mushrooms and I are fair weather friends...because you just never know how the texture of a mushroom is going to turn out.  When I go to a chinese restaurant or a mongolian bbq type place I always turn my nose up at the tofu.  But, with our recent committment to eating less meat I knew that I had to be willing to start branching out or I'll never be able to keep to the committment long term.

So, when Michelle shared a recipe she created for "mac'n'cheese" made with tofu instead of pasta and her kiddo gave it two thumbs up, I decided to give it a try.

So, my first step was figuring out where to even FIND tofu in the grocery store!  I flagged down a manager and he led me over to the produce section and took me right to it.  The stuff I bought was Melissa's organic and came in an 18oz block.  I thought it would come in a bag for some reason, here's what it looks like:

This 18oz package was $1.99!  Not bad.  I bought the firm...Michelle used extra firm in her recipe, but the didn't have extra firm in stock at our grocery store.

Michelle called this "Mac'n'Cheese" but A and I both felt that wasn't very descriptive.  In our opinion it was nothing like mac'n'cheese.  It did have a pasta-y type consistensy but more like a chicken noodle casserole than mac'n'cheese.

Ok, here is the recipe, as I made it, with nutrition facts:

__________________________________________________________________

Tofu, Broccoli and Cheese Casserole

Ingredients:

18oz extra firm tofu
1 "steam in the bag" bag of broccoli
1 bag (1 and 3/4 cups) shredded cheddar cheese (I used the 2% milk variety, sharp)
1/2 c egg beaters
1/4 c half and half
1 tsp onion powder (optional - I didn't have any so didn't use it)
Salt/pepper (I went light on salt, heavy on pepper)

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
Microwave the bag of broc for 4 mins (just short of the directed time), drain in a colander to get rid of excess water. Chop. (I chopped mine in the food processor to get liitle bity pieces)
Dice tofu into very small cubes, roughly 1 cm sized.
Spray 13"x9" pan with PAM.

In a bowl, mix together tofu, broc, egg beaters, half and half, onion powder, salt/pepper, and 3/4 of the shredded cheese. Spread into pan.

Sprinkle the remaining cheese on top.

Bake for 40 minutes, or until slightly browned on top.

Nutrition:
Entire recipe: 1240cals, 8 fiber, 73 fat
6 servings = 5 WW pts each
8 servings = 4 WW pts each

Here is Michelle's picture...she made a smaller version and used a pie pan:

_____________________________________________________________________________

So, how'd it taste?  GOOD!  I was really surprised that I enjoyed it so much.  I think that cutting the tofu into the smaller pieces made it less tofu-like.  We served it with a spinach salad and cut ours into 6 servings.  We each ate 1.5 servings.  It was a good amount of food for 7.5 points.  And I ate another serving on a whole wheat tortilla for lunch today.  It reheated well.  And I think kiddos would enjoy this...the tofu comes off a lot like chicken (in fact, Michelle's kiddo thought there was chicken in it) and its covered in cheese!  :)  And best of all...it's SIMPLE!

One warning....you may not want to eat this recipe if you've got a PTA meeting later in the night.  Not sure if it was the broccoli or the tofu, but A and I both had gas all night!  :)

Sometimes life is just hard

I am stressed and I find myself in such a difficult position because I’m unsure how to deal with it all. I normally would find solace in some sort of food. Something to keep the emotions stuffed down. I never believed that I was an emotional eater until one time awhile back when I was really upset about something, pulled through a drive-thru, ordered a huge meal, started it sobbing, and had completely stopped the tears and numbed myself by the time I finished. Of course, then the pain and remorse of what I had just done set in. But, still….in the moment it was like a drug. It numbed my pain that was really difficult to feel and instead allowed me to feel a different kind of pain. One I was used to and knew how to ignore.

I don’t have my “drug” available to me right now. I REFUSE to use it. I want this healthy lifestyle more than anything in the world right now and if I don’t learn another way of handling stress I will never ever learn to stop using food as a crutch. So instead I am an emotional mess. Crying at my desk, hiding in the bathroom, sitting in my car and sobbing during lunch emotional mess. DAMN…this is so freaking hard. I found myself wishing I could just have a glass of wine over lunch. Now really, replacing a food addiction with an alcoholic one is so not the way to deal with this. So, I’ve been doing the only thing I know how…which is to cry, chew gum, drink water, and sob on the phone to my mom.

Things that are stressing me out –
S is having problems. She won’t eat without a huge fight first. We are trying probiotics and are going to try zantac drops. I never ever in a million years realized how much I would worry about my child. Watching your baby scream when you offer her food is one of the hardest things I have ever experienced. She does eventually eat, so she’s not starving or getting dehydrated, but still. I laid in bed worrying about her all night last night. Barely got any sleep. I have been non-stop worrying about her today at work. She’s at daycare because she has no fever and other than refusing to eat is in a fairly decent mood. When I called at noon she hadn’t eaten yet. I HATE that I cannot be with her while she is going through this. I hate that I can’t hold her and cuddle her and help her in whatever way I can. I usually like being a working mom, but right now, as she is going through this…I genuinely DESPISE the fact that I can’t be with my baby right now. This is by far my biggest cause of stress.

I am having post-partum physical issues. I thought I was home free, but started bleeding a few weeks ago..at 14 weeks post-partum. I went into the dr. and they did a painful procedure to try and stop the bleeding. It hasn’t worked. I’ve missed a lot of work due to this issue and S’s issues so I don’t feel comfortable telling my boss I need even more time off for my physical needs. Especially right now when I don’t know if I’ll need to take more time for S medically. I had to use all of my vacation and sick time because of my difficult pregnancy so I have zero days off left until June 1. Luckily my boss has been flexible, but I don’t want to push it to far and put my job at jeopardy. So, I’ve got to put off seeing the dr. for another week. It’s frustrating.

Allergies are out of control for me right now. I can’t breathe through my left nostril at all. I’m taking allegra and Sudafed and still…no relief. I’m sick of it!

I’m tired. Super super tired. I barely slept last night. I was worried about S, we had a thunderstorm, and I had caffeine too late in the day.

The effort it takes to stick to my healthy lifestyle feels like a ton right now. Just knowing that I have to go home and cook dinner tonight makes me feel like I’m carrying around a huge extra weight on my back. Add to that the fact that I need to find some time to get in activity and it just feels hard. I know that its worth it and that when I step on that scale on Saturday I’ll be glad that I powered through. And I don’t feel like I have a lot of options. If I don’t power through and cook and give in and eat fast food I’ll 1- feel bad about it and 2-not see the results on the scale that I want and will find that aggravating. And I just want this lifestyle to feel like second nature. The only way I will ever get there is to keep doing it! So, I will power through.

My house is not clean and my husband’s parents are arriving on Thursday. I usually get the house stuff taken care of on Sunday but with Baby S’s issues it didn’t get done. I hate having people come to my house when it is not clean. I’ve done some talking with a friend today and have realized that this is just the way it is. With all the other stuff I’ve got going on, perfectly clean house is bottom of the priority list for sure. Now…just to truly accept that……

So, to end this post on a positive note…I will say that I have not used food through any of this. We are on day 3 and I am still sticking strong to my goals. Even got a walk in last night. The scale is inching downwards and I am determined to get that 20 pound sticker this weekend.

First Mini-Goal ACHEIVED!!! Woo-hoo!!!

Today was weigh-in.  And guess what...I met my first mini-goal.  I now weigh less than I did when I conceived baby S!!!!  I am so proud and excited.  I gained 37 pounds with my pregnancy.  This probably would have been closer to 25 pounds, but I spent my last trimester on bedrest and so got absolutely zero activity for nearly 3 months...and the last 12 pounds found their way onto my body.  The first 17 pounds came off with basically no effort from me, but I was so scared that those last 20 pounds wanted to stay for good.  I joined WW at 4 weeks post partum.  And with some mindful eating and dedication, here I am, 15 weeks post-partum and finally those last 20 pounds are gone.  My #1 supporter, Michelle, pushed me to come up with rewards to go along with my mini-goals a few weeks ago (thanks Michelle!).  I choose fresh flowers as my reward for meeting mini-goal #1.  Here they are - I'll be enjoying these babies all week!

So, here's the official stats for the week:
-2 pounds, for a total of 19.6 pounds!

So, only 0.4 pounds from that 20 pound sticker...another week with something to work towards!  :)

This Week's Plan

As promised in my previous post, here's my plan for next week:

Sunday – Tilapia, Quinoa with peppers and onions, Spinach Salad
Monday – Chicken with asparagus, Brown rice with peas
Tuesday – Michelle’s Mac’N’Cheese (made with tofu – this will be a first for me…if it’s good I’ll share the recipe), Corn, Spinach Salad
Wednesday – Ground Turkey Meatballs, Garlic Mashed Potatos, Brussel Sprouts
Thursday – Pulled pork sandwiches, Roasted Red Potatos, Balsamic Glazed Carrots

Yep, that’s right…I’m making the carrots again next week! I try not to repeat something two weeks in a row, but my in-laws are coming to town and will likely be joining us for dinner on Thursday night and these things were just that good! Easy and good = perfect for company!

Here’s my shopping list (we buy our meat from Sam’s so rarely include meat on my shopping list):
Spinach (I buy the bagged kind)
Fresh red pepper (for salads)
Tomatos (for salads)
Black Olives (for salads)
Fresh Asparagus
Frozen Sweet Peas
Tofu
Egg Beaters
Half and Half
Frozen broccoli
Shredded sharp cheddar cheese (the 2% milk variety)
Frozen Sweet Corn
Onion Soup Mix
Reduced Fat cream of mushroom
Frozen potatos (for mashing)
Buns
Carrots

Here’s what I already have on hand:
Quinoa
Peppers and Onions (I buy mine pre-chopped and frozen…by BirdsEye)
Brown Rice
Salad Dressing
Frozen Brussel Sprouts
Red Potatos
BBQ Sauce

So, all I need to do now is add our weekly staples to the list (fruit, yogurt, dark chocolate, A’s lunch items) and I’m good to go.

I challenge any readers out there to put your plan together and publish it to your blog (and leave a comment letting us know you’ve done it). Maybe we can all share some ideas with each other!

For me…Planning is Key

There’s a slight chance I’m going to get my 20 pound star tomorrow at WW. I need to lose 2.4 pounds this week to get there. My scale this morning showed that I’m close…but who knows what tomorrow will bring. The scale can be so fickle.

Anyways, when my WW leader gives out stars she often asks people what has helped them be successful. They rarely are prepared for the question so they say the first thing that comes to mind…usually journaling or exercise. I’ve been putting a lot of thought into what I would like to say in response to this question. Journaling is big…no doubt about it. I’m always amazed when I first get back into journaling just how many calories I’ve been consuming! How quickly we forget that just because it can be eaten in 20 seconds or less doesn’t mean its ‘free’! :)

So, in my thinking about this I’ve decided that there is one thing that has been even more imperative in my success in this journey so far. And that is….drumroll please…planning!

Now that little S has joined our clan it has become even more important than ever before. I usually sit down on Sunday morning and make a plan for the week. I plan 5 meals total –one vegetarian, one seafood, one chicken, one pork, and one ground beef/turkey. The sixth meal is always out and the seventh might be leftovers, eaten out, or put together on a whim. For me the benefits of planning are endless. A few:

1.  No thinking in the evenings. When I come home I know exactly what needs to be done and I don’t have to stare in the fridge and pantry trying to come up with what I can “throw together”

2. Grocery shopping made easy – I make my grocery list at the same time as I make my menus and so I don’t have to send hubby to the store on a regular basis to pick up missing ingredients

3. Less wasted produce. I buy produce for our planned meals and it stops me from buying a head of broccoli thinking I ‘might’ use it and then forgetting about it before it goes bad

4. A lot less eating out! This is a big one. When I fail to plan ahead of time and I have a stressful day at work or with the baby I am very quick to call A on his way home from work and say “stop and pick something up on your way home.” When I’ve got a plan this happens far far less often. No statistics on this…but trust me!

5. Dinner anticipation. This is good for A and myself. We know before we leave for work whether tonight is taco night or salmon night and we can look forward to it all day. Sounds kind of silly but we both find that we enjoy this aspect of it.

6. Pre-prep opportunities aplenty! Some evenings S is happy to sit in her bouncer seat and entertain herself. On those nights I can look to the next nights dinner and see if there is any pre-prep I can get done. Some examples are chopping veggies and boiling eggs. Allows me to be pretty flexible.

7. Fewer canned vegetables – when I plan ahead I can buy the fresh produce to have on hand and I don’t resort to the cans nearly as often.

I could go on and on about the benefits here. I used to hate the idea of pre-planning because I never knew whether I’d be in the “mood” for a given food 3 nights from now. But, I’ve found that knowing each morning what I’m having for dinner that night allows me to get in the mood for it.

A few of my tips – plan the meals that you anticipate will have a lot of leftovers for earlier in the week…then you can take those leftovers for lunches. Plan at least one meal that is super simple for later in the week…then if you have a really really stressful day you can always move that meal forward to the day where you could use a break. And finally, look through your fridge and see what you’ve already got on hand….then try to use those in your weekly plan.

I would suggest that if you haven’t ever planned a week out in advance you should give it a shot this week. You can do anything for a week right?

I’ll post my plan in a subsequent post.

We all have a shallow reason or two don’t we….

So, the main reason I’m going on this journey is to get healthy. I think the best side effect of me getting healthy is that I’ll be taking my husband and daughter along for the ride. I’d say that if you combine my desire to get healthy with my desire to be more physically able to do things, you’d account for 95% of my motivation for losing weight.

However…there’s that other 5%. That “shallow” 5 percent. For a lot of women, that would be clothes. Honestly, clothes have just never been my thing. As long as I have a nice pair of tennis shoes, a comfy pair of black flats, a comfy pair of brown leather casual shoes and a nice pair of sandals…I’m a happy lady. No fashionable shoes for me, has simply never been my thing. I buy clothes for comfort and rarely even notice what other people are wearing. That’s not to say that I dress sloppy…I do take the time to look nice. I just don’t have any huge desire to wear ‘cute’ clothes driving my desire to lose weight. For some women, the shallow desire is to be noticed by men. Honestly, as long as my husband notices me…I’m happy. Never been all that comfortable with anybody noticing me anyways!

I do have one big one though. When I get pregnant again I WANT TO LOOK PREGNANT! I have always LOVED pregnant bellies. I think they are just so amazing…the fact that hiding just below the surface is a brand new life, a brand new soul…it just astounds me. I am one of those people who really loved Demi Moore’s photo. I like when women wear clothing that shows off their round bellies. I can’t look at a pregnant lady and not smile. I hate it when pregnant women refer to themselves as “fat”. Is there anything more amazing than the miracle of life? I wish we could all just embrace it.

When I was pregnant with S, I never really showed. The people who know me really well said that they could tell…but to the average person on the street (or at work) there was no way to tell if I was pregnant or if I just carried my fat out front. I never lost my belly roll…my stomach never got that ‘rounded out’ look. It really bummed me out. I never got the “when are you due??” questions unless I fished for them. When I was on work trips and we’d be taking plant tours no one knew that part of the reason I was getting worn out from all the standing was because I was 6 months pregnant. I really really wanted to wear a sign that said “I’m Pregnant” all the time.

So anyways, when I walk around my office building and see the beautiful pregnant women (I work with a lot of young people so there are always a few pregnant ladies around) I find myself thinking…next time that will be me! I know that even if I could get down into the 200’s there’d be a better chance of me getting that round belly. Can’t wait!

Yummy Simple Carrots!

I made a new recipe last night.  This was soooo easy and very very tasty.  5 minutes prep time.  My husband really enjoyed these and I think kids would love them too.  I got the basic recipe from allrecipes.com but made a few changes.

Balsamic Glazed Carrots

1lb bag baby carrots
1 tbsp extra virgin olive oil
1 tbsp brown sugar
1 1/2 tbsp balsamic vinegar

1.  Preheat oven to 350 degrees
2.  Combine the bottom 3 seasonings (I used a small ice cream bowl) and pour over the carrots. 
3.  Toss the carrots in the mix a few times so they all get covered. 
4.  Spray a cookie sheet with PAM (I use olive oil flavor but any would work)
5.  Cook for about an hour (I like my carrots softer so I cooked for a long time...if you like them more crisp you can take out sooner).  About halfway through I pulled out the cookie sheet and kind of "shook" it so that the carrots would roll a bit...sort of like flipping them but a lot easier. 

When they came out of the oven, A said "hmm...they kind of look like mini hotdogs!"  LOL.  They are sweet but not too sweet.  Hard to describe, but like I said...yummy!  We split it into two servings, but my eyes were bigger than my tummy and I couldn't finish my serving.  A had no problem plowing through his though!

Total recipe: 355 cals, 14 fat, 10 fiber
2 servings = 3 WW pts each
3 servings = 2 WW pts each
4 servings = 1 WW pt each
 
I also made a very simple egg salad recipe.  (Last night was vegetarian night).  Hardest part of this recipe was peeling the eggs...and remembering to boil the eggs the night before!
 
Kelli's Egg Salad
4 hard boiled eggs
3 egg whites
2 tbsp mayo
1 tbsp gulden's mustard
1 tbsp relish
paprika, salt, pepper to taste (don't be shy!)
 
This entire recipe has 14 WW points in it (I apologize...didn't calculate total cals/fat/fiber..did each ingredient individually).  It made 3 very nice size servings of about 5 pts each.   One thing you'll notice is that I rarely cook with low-fat mayo or sour cream and never cook with artificial sugars.  So, if you do you can probably knock the points/calorie value of these recipes down even further.  Sorry...no picture of this one.
 
But, I do have one more picture.  Look who's been joining us at the dinner table this week!  :)  Won't be long until she's chowing down on some carrots of her own!
 
 

Sleep Deprivation

Ok, so I’m a new mom. Which means I have a very intimate knowledge of sleep deprivation. For the most part, I have a very good sleeper. She is 3 months old and eats only once a night. She typically wakes up two additional times but just needs some comforting (nothing like a good butt pat to calm her down) to get back to sleep. Which means I get up an average of 3 times every night. Add to that the reduced capacity of my bladder since childbirth and many nights its 4 times. I checked into the hospital for induction on December 16. So, I’d say my last really decent night of sleep was December 15th (and that was pregnancy sleeping so really you could say my last decent night of sleep happened even long before that!). But, lets use December 15th just for the sake of it. That means that I have not had a decent night of sleep in 105 nights. (For the sake of full disclosure I should mention that one night during the early weeks my sister was visiting and I slept in the basement without a baby monitor and got a 6 hour chunk of uninterrupted sleep and she took baby night duty– that was heaven!) It’s a wonder that any of us new mom’s can get the pregnancy weight off…who wants to exercise when you haven’t slept well in months??

I remember once hearing that Angelina Jolie said something about how she does everything by herself with her twins. The only help she hired was a night nurse. Basically implying that she’s “just like us”. I don’t know if its true or not…celebrities get blamed for saying all kinds of things they never said…BUT it angered me then even though I hadn’t had a kid yet. If all mom’s could just have a night nurse at their disposal it would make motherhood so much easier! Sure, Angelina still does a ton of mommy stuff…but she does it with sleep on her side! Now that I’m actually a mom, the thought of that quote bothers me even more.

Last night was one of our worst nights ever. S woke up before midnight even hit (she RARELY does that) and was up for a nice long 2.5 hour chunk from 2:00-4:30. By the time I dealt with her and then was able to relax enough to get myself back to sleep both times I ended up getting less than 4 hours of sleep. And those 4 hours were not consecutive and not very restful. Having one night of this surrounded by a bunch of nights where I got a good long restful chunk of sleep might make it easier to deal with. But when it is preceded by 104 nights of crappy sleep it can have some major effects! I dragged myself out of bed and skipped showering all together. It was definitely a “ponytail” day. I have to be out of the house by 6:40 to make it to work on time. I left at about 6:45 and then sat in the parking garage and did my makeup (does it count as being ontime if you’re in the parking garage on time? LOL).

Today has definitely been a challenge in the ways you would expect. Hard to keep my eyes open at my desk, very difficult to concentrate, daydreaming about my bed. My emotions have been a total mess. Crying this morning before leaving for work, crying on the way to work , and breaking down in tears at my desk a few times. But…what has surprised me more than anything is the effect it has had on my appetite! I am so much hungrier today! It started at about 3am when I was sitting in the rocking chair with a very awake baby. My stomach growled so loud I’m surprised it didn’t wake the dog up! It was not perceived or emotional hunger…it was real hunger. I ignored it and managed to make it through the whole night without eating anything. But the hunger has continued all day. I had my normal breakfast but was starving again by 8:30. Had another breakfast and found myself hungry again at 10:30.

With my emotions in such a precarious state, I’ve had to pay very very close attention to my body’s cues to make sure that I am only feeding REAL hunger and not just eating to calm my emotional needs. It has been REAL hunger though. I wonder why? Maybe my body is trying to replace the energy it usually gets from sleep by taking in more calories? Or maybe it burned more calories over night and so is trying to replenish? I’m not sure…but what I am sure of is that this is a physiological need, not a psychological one.

I have to say that I am quite proud of myself that I have gotten in tune enough with my body that I can actually tell the difference in the two. I remember in the past when I’ve done WW they’ve always told us to pay attention to our body’s cues of real hunger. And I’ve never really been able to do it. But, this very difficult day has given me the opportunity to see that I’ve come a long way. And I must say…it feels good.

Oh..and one more non-scale victory. I ended up getting invited to a lunch meeting at the last minute and was told there would be Jimmy John’s. I could have brought my own lunch to the meeting but have a mental block with that…a topic for another blog entry for sure. So, when I got to the meeting I picked up my boxed lunch and first ate the pickle (safest thing in the box and definitely a way to get my belly started towards fullness!). I made a point to eat really really slow and to pay attention to my bodie's cues. I ended up eating between 1/2 and 2/3 of the sandwich, about 1/2 of the chips, and 1/4 of the cookie. I'm left with basically no points for tonight but I'll dip into flex points...no big deal...we are having a fairly low point dinner anyways (egg salad sandwiches and roasted carrots).

What amazed me is that I felt full! Not deprived at all. My eating habits truly are changing. My tummy simply doesn't want to hold as much as it used to. In the past I would have plowed through that whole meal, no questions asked. I've done it many times. Hubby keeps telling me that he thinks the way I'm cooking is making him eat less at all his other meals. I keep kind of laughing it off...but I'm starting to agree with him. My WW leader said she thinks this happens because as you learn to satisfy your bodies actual nutritional needs your body stops telling you to eat as much. Maybe she's right?

So, I’ll close this post with a little something to make you smile. This is what has kept me up every night for the last 105 nights…and you know what? She is TOTALLY WORTH IT!

Product Reviews

As a working mom, there is nothing better than finding something natural, SIMPLE, and healthy that I can include in my dinner routine.  Emphasis on the simple!  :)

I have two products that both my husband and I have really enjoyed the few times I've made them.  The first is a Uyuni Quinoa & Whole Grain Brown Rice made by Seeds of Change.  I picked this up at Target near the other prepared rice pouches.  This is a rice/quinoa pouch that you microwave right in the pouch it comes in.  90 seconds in the microwave and its ready to serve.  You don't even have to get a dish dirty!  The flavors are super yummy and the ingredient list is organic and simple. 

Serving Size - 1 cup (2 servings per pouch) -
4 WW points

240 cals
3.5g fat
3g fiber
6g protein




The second is a Green Giant Simply Steam product - Green Beans & Almonds, no sauce.  These are also super easy...it steams in the package it comes in - takes 3-5 minutes.  It's one of their box products.  You wouldn't think the almonds would make that big of a difference, but it really does.  Hubby and I both really really enjoy these.  We share the box, although I could easily eat the whole thing.  Mmmmm.

Serving Size - 1/2 cup cooked (2.5 servings per box)
1 WW point per serving...or 2 points for the whole box!

45 cals
2g fat
2g fiber
2g protein

There is a picture and another product review here.

Tonight's dinner was salmon with these two side dishes.  It took me about 10 minutes to make and has kept us both full for hours.  And the small amount of dishes wasn't a bad thing either!

Two Thumbs Down Lane Bryant

After writing my last post and making a huge decision to go ahead and invest in the size smaller pants, I ran out to Lane Bryant…only to discover that Lane Bryant has discontinued Right Fit pants and jeans until SEPTEMBER! That is 6 months away!

Us working girls need pants all year round, not just during fall and winter. I called all 3 stores in our area and checked online. I’m super bummed about this. Time to check ebay and see if I can find what I need.

Two great big thumbs down Lane Bryant.

The Pessimistic Optimist

When it comes to weightloss, I am a pessimistic optimist. What an oxymoron.

Pessimistic (from dictionary.com): A tendency to stress the negative or unfavorable or to take the gloomiest possible view

Optimist (from dictionary.com): One who usually expects a favorable outcome

How is this even possible? I’ll tell you! I am, in general, an optimist. I truly do expect a favorable outcome. And, if I don’t get a favorable outcome, I can almost always find a way to find the good in any given situation. I think I actually drive my husband crazy with my rampant optimism and “see the best in any given situation” attitude. But, it’s how I was raised. My mom taught us from a very young age that your attitude is the most important thing you possess. You have complete control over it and no one can take that control away.  You can choose to dwell on the negative things that happen to you, or you can put those behind and instead concentrate on the good. And, that is how I live my life. I honestly believe it was the #1 best tool for living that my mom gave me.

However, when it comes to weightloss I find myself stumbling. I have failed at this journey so very many times in the past that I have a very hard time “expecting a favorable outcome”. Oh yes, occasionally, even daily, I think to myself…this is going to work! I’m doing it! But just as quickly the negative thoughts come flooding into my mind. I hear myself thinking things like:

-Don’t set yourself up for disappointment…you know you can’t do this
-Don’t tell your husband that you feel excited this time around, he’ll just be thinking “yeah right”
-Right now its easy but you are going to trip and fall face first one of these days and then you’ll be right back where you started from and you’ll feel like an idiot for ever believing in yourself in the first place.
-Yeah, you might manage to get a few pounds off, but as soon as you get pregnant again they are going to come back on at record speed and you’re going to hate yourself.
-Hello? You have felt this way before…it never lasts…give up the dream.

See – “a tendency to take the gloomiest view”. Pessimism run amok. Ugh.

At our WW meetings they often talk about how we should use visualization to focus, center, and ultimately reach our goal. Visualize yourself at your goal weight…what will you do, how will it feel. A great friend wrote me an email about how she made it through exercise by visualizing herself at goal and running along a lake with wind through her hair. I tried to use this technique on Sunday and failed at it big time. I have always had a mental block when it comes to visualizing my own success at weight loss. I can’t even fathom mini-goals beyond getting to “twoderville” because, frankly, I can’t imagine myself ever even getting there.

I have no idea how to combat this. I seriously cannot have a positive thought about weightloss without 3-4 negative thoughts taking over. I truly believe that even the way we “think” is a choice (see my blog intro above) but this is one area where I haven’t quite taken control back from the fear center of my brain and said “enough! I banish these negative thoughts!”. I don’t know how to do it. I actually think I’m afraid to do it.

I saw a counselor in highschool and she would have me do something called “thought replacement”. She had me come up with 4 happy thoughts about myself to have in a ready ‘brain-arsenal’. Anytime I caught myself thinking something negative about myself (I had some seriously low self-esteem issues junior year of high school) she had me fire off my positive thoughts instead. Sometimes I would have to actually speak them outloud to overpower the negative thinking. I felt so stupid doing this at first…but the thing is…it worked. I think it might be time to try the same with my weightloss efforts.

So, 4 positive thoughts….hmmm…

1. I have not binged in more than 4 years.

2. With the exception of pregnancy, I have not finished a year more than 5 pounds heavier than I finished the last in at least 7 years. (This is important for me to remember because for most of my childhood/high school/college life I would hold my breath every single time I pulled on a pair of jeans because I never knew if they were still going to fit. I remember that horrible feeling when they wouldn’t. Sometimes I think I still let myself be that girl…held hostage by the fear of my yo-yoing weight. But, I’m not that girl anymore…and I need to allow myself to own that truth)

3. I eat more vegetables now than at any other point in my entire life…and I enjoy them. I don’t eat these out of obligation, I actually anticipate them eagerly.

4. I truly am doing this differently this time. In the past when I tried to lose weight I did it by trying to substitute the low-fat, sugar free processed junk for the full-fat, full of sugar processed junk I was used to eating. This time around I am concentrating on eating REAL food. I haven’t had an artificial sweetener in two years. I am making real food at home and bringing those for my lunch instead of relying on ‘healthy’ frozen processed meals. The last time I ate a fast food breakfast it actually tasted bad to me and I threw out the hashbrowns all together (if you know me in real life you know this is HUGE).

I think that these 4 thoughts are good reminders that its ok to be optimistic. I’m sure you’ve heard the saying “If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got.” I need to remember that I’m not doing what I’ve always done! I need to give myself credit for the strides I’ve made on health. And I need to give myself permission to anticipate positive outcomes this time around. So, I am publicly giving myself this permission right now. When the negative thoughts come in I WILL fire off my positive thoughts. I’m even going to print these four thoughts out and put them in my purse, my car, my fridge, and my desk.

I’m also going to take a step towards allowing optimism. I’ve got 3 real women dollars at Lane Bryant. For those of you who shop at Lane Bryant, you know that these allow you to get the best deals possible on the ‘right fit pants.’ They are about the only coupon that they allow you to use on these pants and they only offer them 4 times a year. You can use them on whatever you want, but I usually try to use mine on the pants. Normally, since I’ve basically been the same size for the last 7 years (see above about my weight staying pretty stable) I’ve always gone and bought a pair of jeans and a pair of work pants in “my size.” However, I’ve been having a huge internal struggle this time around. My work pants are in decent shape and if I’m losing weight, then there really is no reason to get another pair in this size…these will certainly last me another 2-3 months until my weight loss really starts showing in my clothes. So, the optimistic me says to buy a pair in the next lower size so that I’ll have them when I’m ready. You can certainly guess what the pessimistic me says in response! But, in the spirit of granting myself permission to believe I am going to invest in the smaller size pants.

Wow…just writing that made me shudder with self doubt….it’s obvious that I’ve got a lot of work to do on this front.

Saturday - Weigh-In!

Quick post as we've got company this weekend.  I had my WW meeting this morning.  I missed last week, so this was a two-week weigh in.  4.8 pounds!!!  Woo-hoo!!  For a total of 17.6.  AND...I'm only two pounds away from meeting my first mini-goal - Pre-Pregnant Weight!  Talk about motivation for this week!

There were two people who got their 50-pound metals today, one lady who hit 40 pounds and one lady who hit 25.  Talk about inspiring.  Just goes to show you, it can be done. 

I've really been enjoying my WW meetings lately.  I've gotten some great food ideas and just very good motivation.  I would highly encourage anyone who is doing WW online to consider trying out a few meetings and trying to find a good fit.  It really can make a difference.

Ok, that's it for today.  Off to enjoy my weekend!

Vegetarian Night - Care to join us?

A and I made a commitment to try and reduce the amount of meat in our diet. We’re doing this for many reasons.

First is that it’s a socially conscious decision…mass manufacture of meat is very hard on the environment. You can do a quick google search if you’re interested in learning more about this. I don’t want this to turn into a social debate…so I’ll leave it at that.

Second is that daughters of friends keep getting their periods earlier and earlier. 10 years old and even younger. There are some studies that indicate that this may be due to the large amount of growth hormones fed to animals to fatten them up for slaughter. We could buy the farm-raised meat at the health food store (and we haven’t ruled this out as an option yet), but those meats are so expensive. So, we decided that reducing consumption of them would be a better plan for now.

The final reason is that I want S and all my kids to grow up with a different view of food than I did. I grew up thinking dinner was not dinner without meat. Actually, in large part I felt the same way about lunch (pb&j being the notable exception). Even breakfast…pancakes without sausage…why bother?? I’d rather my kiddos think that dinner is not dinner without veggies! A and I both grew up in very traditional homes where the traditional meat and potato type dinners were the norm. But, I want my kids to be exposed to all kinds of food from very early on so that they can learn to love variety. It all falls in line with the main reason I’m working to change my lifestyle…to leave my kids the legacy of a healthy lifestyle!

So, we are taking several steps to help us reduce our meat consumption:

The first is that we have committed to one seafood dinner a week. Salmon, tilapia, and shrimp are our favorites.

Second is that we are not eating as many meals where meat is served all by itself…instead we use it as part of a dish. So, instead of serving a grilled chicken breast I use chicken breast in a pasta or rice dish (with veggies of course) and therefore greatly reduce the amount we eat. Just the other night I made a pasta dish with 2 chicken breasts. The pasta dish made 5 servings and so instead of each of us eating an entire chicken breast we each had just less than half. That’s not to say we don’t still enjoy a shake’n’bake porkchop or a nice thick turkey burger (or even a steak…mmmmmm) occasionally. Just that we don’t eat those meat centered meals every night any more.

The third commitment we made was to try and reduce the amount of leftovers we throwout. We are terrible about not eating all of our leftovers. I hate to think that an animal gave its life for me and then I turn around and toss it in the trash. Waste of money and waste of life.

The final decision we made is to commit to one vegetarian meal a week. We still consume dairy products at these meals, just no meat. I’ll admit…since I’ve never really cooked vegetarian meals before..my creativity on these nights has been minimal. Grilled cheese and tomato soup served with veggies, baked potato with broccoli and cheese, frozen veggie burgers with roasted potatos and veggies. So, this week I decided to do some searches online and I found this recipe for “two bean tamale pie” on better homes and gardens. I decided to give it a try.

Two-Bean Tamale Pie

Ingredients
• 1 cup chopped green sweet pepper
• 1/2 cup chopped onion
• 2 cloves garlic, minced
• 1 tablespoon cooking oil
• 1 15-ounce can kidney beans or black beans, rinsed, drained, and slightly mashed
• 1 15-ounce can pinto beans, rinsed, drained, and slightly mashed
• 1 6-ounce can (2/3 cup) vegetable juice
• 1 4-ounce can diced green chile peppers, undrained
• 1 teaspoon chili powder
• 1/2 teaspoon ground cumin
• 1 8-1/2-ounce package corn muffin mix
• 1/2 cup shredded cheddar cheese (2 ounces)
• 1/4 cup snipped fresh cilantro or parsley


Directions
1. Grease a 2-quart square baking dish or 10-inch quiche dish; set aside.

2. In a medium skillet cook sweet pepper, onion, and garlic in hot oil until tender. Stir in kidney beans, pinto beans, vegetable juice, chile peppers, chili powder, and cumin; heat through. Spoon bean mixture into the prepared dish.

3. Prepare corn muffin mix according to package directions. Add cheese and cilantro to muffin mix, stirring just until combined. Spoon cornbread mixture evenly over top of bean mixture. Bake, uncovered, in a 400 degree F oven about 25 minutes or until golden. If desired, serve with salsa and sour cream.

We both really enjoyed this. And it was easy (a must for a new mom like myself!) I used the pre-chopped frozen onion and pepper mix that I got at the grocery store to save me the trouble of chopping veggies. Still sauteed them with the garlic and oil. I opted for black beans instead of kidney. I used Jiffy corn muffin mix and used 1/3 cup water instead of milk when prepping the mix(didn’t have any milk on hand). I also added a drained can of tomatos to up the veggies. Finally…I didn’t have the cilantro so I skipped that altogether. When I make this again I will drain a can of corn and add half of it to the corn muffin mix along with the cheese before pouring it over the top. I think the actual corn would go really well with these flavors. We ate it with a dollop of greek yogurt on top. Two thumbs up from my household. Not spicy at all…just flavorful. Made 6 servings (6 WW points per serving if you’re counting). We each ate 1.5 servings and now I’ve got three servings for lunches next week.

So, what about you and yours…do you eat meat at every meal? Could you eat a little less? If you already eat vegetarian meals regularly…what are your favorites? I could use some ideas!

Employees "Choose" to Lose?

My company is in the process of launching an “Employee Choose to Lose” program. What is it about work sponsored weight loss programs that bother me? In theory..they make sense. We spend upwards of 40 hours a week in the workplace. They pay for our healthcare (if we’re lucky). But something about the idea of a work sponsored weight loss program really makes me cringe. At my last job they had a Biggest Loser competition. Some people really got into it. I avoided it like it was the plague. It seemed like those of us who needed it the most were the ones that didn’t participate.

I walk around the office and see so many women who are largely overweight like myself and think that it’s really too bad we can’t all get together and form some sort of support group. Maybe a chubby girls’ walking club? :) But, then I pull back because weight and work don’t mix. They’re like liquor and beer. At least for me! I notice that the women who have lesser amounts to lose, maybe 5-30 pounds very openly discuss their weightloss efforts with each other. Men often openly discuss theirs as well. But us very overweight girls keep quiet. Why? Is it the fear of looking like a failure at work? I think that might be part of it. I mean, work is all about impressing and I know from experience that when it comes to weightloss I’ve been known to strike out many more times than hitting a grand slam (or even a double).

I know for me that another big part of it is fear. I actually have a fear that someday my employer will be able to treat me differently because of my weight. I already see my employer treating the smokers in our office as sub-par employees. I think the overweight employees are next. I fully anticipate that one day soon I’m going to be forced to pay more for my healthcare due to my “obese” rating on the BMI scale. I guess I’m afraid that if I sign up for their program I might be opening myself up for that “special” treatment.

I think the final reason is that I think of my weight as a “private” problem. Which is kind of funny…because it’s the most easily identifiable vice out there. My co-worker may be an alcoholic, drug addict, sex addict, or in extreme debt…but I would never know it. However, all my co-worker has to do is look at me to know that I have a weight problem. I don’t think the alcoholics at work (I know they are around) would want to attend an alcoholics support group at work. Who wants everyone knowing that they are an alcoholic? And even though my weight problem is visible to the naked eye, I think the same thoughts that would motivate an alcoholic to avoid treatment programs at work are the thoughts that motivate me to avoid employer sponsored weight loss programs.

Would love to hear others thoughts on this. Have you ever joined an employer led weight loss program? Were you glad you did it? Do you find yourself avoiding them as well?

It's more than the number...

I got on the scale this morning and it showed me a higher number than the last 3 days. I found myself thinking "screw it...this is never gonna work" and daydreaming about Burger King for breakfast. BUT...then I started really thinking about why I'm doing this. The primary reason I'm doing this is not actually weight loss. I really really really want my family to have a healthy lifestyle. And reality is that my family's lifestyle begins with mom...me...I’m the one that decides whats for dinner, whats for breakfast, whats for lunch and snacks. And children learn by example...period. I can tell S to eat her fruit and veggies and skip the fried stuff...but if I'm running off to BK for breakfast...she's gonna do what I do, not what I say. And it straightened my attitude right up. I made my muffin, grabbed my packed lunch and headed off to work. It's all about perspective. Even if this weight NEVER comes off of me, if I can pass on the amazing gift of a healthy lifestyle to S (and my future kiddos), then this will all be worth it. Also, I started thinking about the fact that when I went to the Dr. on Monday my blood pressure was normal. I used to struggle with border line high BP and I really believe that the better food choices are what is helping me beat that.